Meekness

Meekness is one of virtues I’ve been guilty of underestimating. I’ve associated it with weakness, with appeasing and submitting. But I think at the heart of it, meekness is accepting and following the will of God no matter what the cost. As I’ve studied the scriptures and experimented with this in my own life, I’ve found that meekness is the opposite of weakness. In fact, it requires the utmost strength and courage, and it is the harbinger of the greatest grace.

Now when I think of meekness I think of Moses. 

Moses was a lot of things in his life. He was the son of an Israelite slave, then the adopted son of Pharaoh, then an exile, then a shepherd. And then, after all that, he was a prophet. God came to Moses and said, “Go, lead my people out of captivity” Moses, understandably, wasn’t sure that he wanted to do that. Moses said, “Me? Why me? I’m a shepherd, the adopted son of their slaver. Those people won’t want to talk to me, much less follow me.” And God said, “Tell Pharaoh to let my people go.” Moses said, “I’m bad at talking. I’ve never known what to say, I’ve always stuttered over my words. It’s happening right now. Why would they listen to me?” And God said, “Go, Moses. I am God, and I will be with you.”

And he was. God was with Moses when he demanded the release of the slaves, in the terrible and heavenly wonders of the plagues. God was with Moses when the Red Sea parted and in the wilderness when the children of Israel were complaining so much that Moses went to God and said, “literally, kill me now,” and God said, “How about we delegate a little more?” In the spectacular and the ordinary, God was with Moses.

God is with all of us always, of course. There is no place we can go where God isn’t. But when we’re meek, God is not just with us, we are with Him. We open up a space in our lives where power and glory, majesty and transforming grace can surge through.

Now when I think of meekness, I think of Alma and Amulek. There is the meekness where we do something we really, really don’t want to do, but there is also the meekness where we accept something we really, really don’t want to accept. Alma and Amulek knew about this. After their miraculous meeting, conversion, and missionary work the city of Ammonihah exiled all the men they had brought to God. Then they made Alma and Amulek watch as every single woman and child they’d converted was burned alive.

Amulek had the faith of a convert. He knew through personal experience that God was mighty to save, and he said, “Let’s save them.” But Alma had the faith of a prophet. He knew that although God could save everyone, he didn’t always, and he wouldn’t this time. He said, “No. God is receiving them into his presence even now.” So they watched as all these people they’d grown to love, some of whom were Amulek’s family, died violently in front of them. I don’t know how they had the strength to accept this. I struggle with much smaller things. 

When my daughter Molly was born, there were unexpected complications with her delivery that left her with a feeding tube for an indeterminate amount of time for unclear reasons. For months, I took her doctor appointment after doctor appointment. I spent nine hours a day pumping, breast feeding, and bottle feeding, all of this in a postpartum body, four months of this on my own while my husband was back at work. At least once a week, I had to force a tube through our baby’s nose and down her throat. I was physically and emotionally shattered. I prayed and prayed that it would for a miracle, knowing that God could make my baby well, and He kept not healing her.

I had to finally accept that, for whatever reason, my God who could make this go away was choosing not to, and He knew better than me. In his talk “Aligning Our Will with His,” Elder Ulisses Soares teaches that “we often wrestle with what we think we know, what we think is best, and what we assume works for us, as opposed to comprehending what Heavenly Father actually knows, what is eternally best, and what absolutely works for children within His plan.” For a long time when Molly was on her feeding tube, I refused to accept that God’s will was for us to go through this. Over and over I was told to wait, that it would be OK, that we were OK, even in the midst of this. When I began to accept it, I found grace.  That was the relief I’d been praying for: not the end of the trial, but the ability to be OK while it was happening. 

Meekness is always, always followed by grace. After Alma and Amulek watched their loved ones be murdered, they were miraculously rescued from prison. They found the exiled men and told them what happened, which must have been both agonizing and healing. And then, Alma took Amulek home and “did administer unto  in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord.” Meekness is always followed by grace, whether it be manifest through heavenly messengers or more mortal angels. 

As in all things, our Savior Jesus Christ is the ultimate example of meekness. At the beginning, when our Father in Heaven asked for someone to go down and do the work of redemption, Jesus said, “Here am I, send me.” And in the sacred grove of  Gethsemane, he prayed, “if  it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” There is  no sin in going before our God and pleading to Him to lift our burdens. When we are hurting, God wants to hear about it. But in that prayer, as in all things, we must kneel before him and say, “Not as I will, but as you will,” and we have to mean it.

There are times in my life that meaning that sentence has been impossible. I haven’t had the courage or strength I needed. The best I could do is say it and want to mean it. But that is enough for grace to start. Grace is like water–it seeps through every crack. 

When Jesus said thy will be done, more grace rushed in. Luke records that when Jesus prayed that he was willing to do his father’s will, that is when an angel appeared with him in Gethsemane, strengthening him.

This is my testimony. Meekness is the bravest, hardest thing we must do. But when we do it, that is when angels come. That is when miracles happen.